Shannon Kolakowski is the author of the forthcoming books When Depression Hurts Your Relationship: How to Regain Intimacy and Reconnect with Your Partner When You’re Depressed, New Harbinger Publications (March 2014) and Finding Love: A Dating Guide For the Shy and Socially Anxious (New Harbinger, September, 2014). For updates on the books, excerpts, and the latest news on depression, anxiety and relationships, subscribe to our newsletter on the right!
About When Depression Hurts Your Relationship
Licensed psychologist and relationship expert Shannon Kolakowski, PsyD explores the six core areas of depression that impact your love relationship through intimacy, mood changes, withdrawing, negative self-appraisal, worry and communication barriers. The book offers practical skills for helping your relationship when you’re depressed, including IPT (Interpersonal Therapy) and mindfulness and acceptance practices.
Take this quiz from the book to see if depression is impacting your relationship:
Is Depression Hurting My Relationship?
| Yes | No | |
| Do you find you are frequently agitated or irritable? | ||
| Does your partner describe you as “moody”? | ||
| Do you consistently seek reassurance from your partner? | ||
| Has your sex drive decreased recently? | ||
| Do you find yourself feeling guilty or worried about how your mood impacts your partner? | ||
| Have you had trouble sleeping during the past month? | ||
| Do you secretly worry that your partner will leave you for someone who has the traits that you feel you lack? | ||
| Do your partner and you disagree more and more about the types of activities to participate in? | ||
| Have you lost interest in activities that you and your partner once enjoyed doing together? | ||
| Do you feel unworthy of your partner at times, despite their reassurance that you’re the one they want to be with? | ||
| Do you have trouble concentrating on conversations with your partner or paying attention to the details of their day? | ||
| Do you feel restless or bored, regardless of what you and your partner are doing? | ||
| Have you had a significant increase of weight or decrease in weight that is impacting your body image or self-confidence? | ||
| Do you have trouble making plans for the future? | ||
| Do you tend to focus on the negative aspects of yourself? | ||
| Do you tend to criticize your partner, focusing on his or her flaws? | ||
| Have you increased your alcohol intake? | ||
| Have you noticed an increase in angry outbursts? | ||
| Do you feel less able to deal with stress in your relationship? | ||
| Do you find yourself leaning more and more on your partner to do housework, take care of the kids, or make all the decisions and plans for your social life? | ||
| Do you find yourself less able to relate to your partners concerns or difficult emotions? | ||
| Total | Total |
If you answered 6 or more of these questions positively, it is likely that depression is hurting your relationship with your loved one.
For help with depression or anxiety, contact Dr. Kolakowski.